This is a letter I wrote to a friend this week who feels at the end of their rope. Hopefully there is something in it that might resonate with your path as well:
Dear friend,
Over this past year I’ve watched as you have struggled with possibly the hardest of trials you have yet had to face in your life. Much like a scary movie where the main protagonist slowly becomes both physically and mentally weakened by the end of the horror, you’ve had to deal with a constant barrage of trouble wearing you down to what I think must feel like the end of your rope.
As your friend it’s incredibly painful to watch and comfort without success someone I care about deeply. Although you know I care about you, the daily confrontation with pain must feel like a massive overshadowing to any good I attempt to create in your life.
I’ve thought quite a bit this year about the reason for trials, difficulties and pain in order to grow.
There is a truth behind the idea that if we are being chased by monsters, our best bet is to turn around and chase them back.
I’ll attempt to explain why in this letter to you.
Who grew the monster and set it lose?
Going back to the oldest story in time we see that God allowed a serpent to be set lose in the garden to attempt it’s destructive power on both Adam and Eve.
Have you ever wondered why God being all powerful would purposely loose a predator on his innocent children?
The only explanation I have ever been able to grasp is that God knowing you personally believes that you could win.
In your mind the adversary chasing you right now seems daunting and scary, but a higher power fully knows you can win and will win.
There is no triumph without challenge
So why doesn’t God appear and reveal your strength to you without the need for the chase, the pain, sometimes failure and only an eventual triumph.
I believe that the growth and good we are hoping to create in ourselves is consistent with the depth of pain and struggle we are faced with on sometimes a constant basis.
Life is sometimes a roaring sea we are swimming through with waves that come crashing down on us.
After a huge struggle back to the surface to gasp for breath and glance for safety we again get hammered by the next wave.
We think we want calm seas and smooth sailing, but if we were so lucky our muscles would atrophy and our souls would become bored and complacent.
Dostoevsky said (and I’m paraphrasing) that “If the world got everything it wanted and all we had to do was eat desert and continue the species, that we would eventually burn down our reality just for something to do”
Inherent in all of us is a desire to be better and do better, but unless there is a terror of high magnitude to show us the opposite of better, we often won’t know which way to run.
Chasing your monster
It’s tempting to hide.
When things are the hardest and we feel at our most weak and vulnerable, the last thing we want to do is turn around and chase whatever it is that is terrorizing us.
It is however our best bet.
Stand up straight and look that thing in the eye. Face it and then chase it.
You are stronger than it is and eventually you will catch it.
When you do the temptation is that you’ll throw it down, put your foot on it’s neck and push until you’ve killed the monster.
I would suggest though that something else will happen.
Once you catch the monster you’ll be able to look it in the eye and with confidence and complete knowledge exclaim:
“You are no longer a monster to me. You’ve abused, hurt and frightened me leaving scars that may never heal completely, but all of this I get to keep as wisdom forever, and you get to go another way, alone and miserable at your failure to conquer me.”
Or something like that.
I believe in you
I’ve known you a long time. I know quite a bit about your strengths and weaknesses. You know the same about me, and you know that when I believe in someone, it’s with everything I’ve got.
You will win.
You will conquer.
I will be here watching, cheering you on, supporting and in amazement will exclaim “I knew they would do it!” When you triumph.
I love you.
Sincerely,
-Joseph